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26 February 2013 @ 05:11 pm
Haven't written in quite some time.  

It feels necessary to write right now, though. Maybe because I'm trying to avoid studying or maybe because I cannot seem to situate my mind as of late. I just need to ramble for a little bit so I can go back to concentrating on my work.

Really, I just feel off lately. It's like my mind keeps pulling me away from what is presently important and is continuously tossing old memories at me to juggle with. Realistically, I do not have time to sit and wonder about the "what-could-have-been's" or "why's" of past situations. What's done is done. I know this. So, why does it feel as though my psyche is in disagreement with what I think...I think.

Figuratively and physically, I am just tired. I have not had much rest because of these flashbacks and it is really starting to take a toll on my motivation toward school and relationships. I just want to feel focused and that doesn't seem to be happening at all.

I got a 95% on that essay I wrote on Paradise Lost; the grade sounds pretty but the comments she left on my paper made me feel as though I almost did not deserve the grade I was given, like it was a gift rather than something I earned. Maybe it is just the way she constructs her criticism, I can't be sure--this is the first assignment she has ever graded of mind. I am just so dreadfully nervous concerning the midterm exam for that class and really hope the review session tonight benefits me. God knows none of the lectures have.


Despite my inability to concentrate and school nerves, I am doing rather well keeping myself busy and, consequently, happy. I suppose this is all that should really matter. Spending time with Lilli and Jeff on a regular basis helps more than either of them will ever be able to recognize, regularly thanking them would not do my emotions justice.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope everyone is having a good day. I really, truly do.

 
 
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