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08 November 2013 @ 12:32 pm
30 days later...  

This awful but lovely feeling is still burrowing deep inside me. It's so contradictory how much I adore feeling this way and, at the same time, how guilty I feel. It's just new, is all. Just nice to feel something different than what I've been feeling for the last two years and there's nothing more to it than that. I just need to learn to understand that this feeling isn't allowed to take off in any direction whatsoever. It needs to either stay the way it is...or die. And, personally, I'm starting to hope it dies. It's causing me way too much anxiety.

But, at the same time, I really don't want it to go.

I'm confusing myself.